Potty Training

Children are able to control their bladder and bowels when they're physically ready and when they want to be dry and clean. Every child is different, so it's best not to compare your child with others. 

 NHS Choices advises the following:

• Most children can control their bowels before their bladder.
• By the age of two, some children will be dry during the day, but this is still quite early.
• By the age of three, 9 out of 10 children are dry most days – even then, all children have the odd accident, especially when they're excited, upset or absorbed in something else.
• By the age of four, most children are reliably dry.

When to start potty training

It helps to remember that you can't force your child to use a potty. If they're not ready, you won't be able to make them use it. In time they will want to use it – your child won't want to go to school in nappies any more than you would want them to.

In the meantime, the best thing you can do is to encourage the behaviour you want.

Most parents start thinking about potty training when their child is around 18 to 24 months old, but there's no perfect time. It's probably easier to start in the summer, when washed nappies dry more quickly and there are fewer clothes to take off. Do it over a period of time when there are no great disruptions or changes to your child's or your family's routine.

You can try to work out when your child is ready. There are a number of signs that your child is starting to develop bladder control:

• they know when they've got a wet or dirty nappy
• they get to know when they're passing urine and may tell you they're doing it
• the gap between wetting is at least an hour (if it's less, potty training may fail and at the very least will be extremely hard work for you)
• they know when they need to pee and may say so in advance

Potty training is usually fastest if your child is at the last stage before you start the training. If you start earlier, be prepared for a lot of accidents as your child learns.

There are many online resources to help you start potty training your toddler, including Baby Centre, NCT and Ready Steady Toddler!

To help you get started they advise:

• Be prepared. Talk to your toddler about what you are going to do, and decide what you're going to call wee and poo!
  • Start with a potty as it is easy to get on and off, and can be moved around the house.  However, you may want to buy a training seat to attach to your toilet.  If your child uses a toilet seat, you'll also need a footstep so your child can stabilise himself with his feet and push when he's having a poo. It will also allow him to get on and off the loo independently.
  • Try using training pants for your toddler instead of, or as well as, proper underwear. Cloth training pants are similar to regular pants, but have an absorbent pad inside to cope with small accidents. Wearing real underwear may encourage your toddler to use his potty. You could let him choose some pants which have his favourite cartoon character on them
  •  Seeing you use the toilet will help your toddler to understand the purpose of a toilet. If you have a son, try teaching him to wee sitting down to begin with.
• Be consistent. Take things slowly to begin with.
  • Encourage your toddler to sit on the potty once a day. This may be after breakfast, before his bath, or whenever he's likely to have a poo.
  •  Sit your child on the potty after he has just had a wet or dirty nappy. This reinforces where the wee and poo is meant to go and encourages him to accept it as part of his routine.
  •  Never restrain him or force him to sit there and don't push the issue if he seems scared. If he's not interested, just put a nappy back on him and put the potty aside for a few weeks before trying again. At this stage, you just want him to get used to the potty. If you persist when your child is not ready, he'll get upset and you'll become increasingly frustrated, turning toilet training into a battle-ground.
  • Let everyone who looks after your child know that you're going to start potty training. Grandparents, nursery staff or childminders all need to use the same, consistent approach.
• Demonstrate how it is done. Children learn by copying.
  • Talk about how you can tell it's time for you to go to the toilet. Show him how you wipe with toilet paper, pull up your underwear, flush the toilet, and then wash your hands.
  • Expect to help your toddler with these activities for some time, especially with wiping after a poo.
• Keep calm! Your child will have several accidents before being completely trained, in the day and night. It can be frustrating, but don't get angry or punish him. Mastering the process will take time. When he has an accident, calmly clean it up without any fuss and suggest that next time he tries to use his potty instead. Sit him on the potty afterwards, to show him where the wee or poo should have gone. 

Accidents are part of the potty training process. But if there are lots of accidents and very little progress, go back to nappies and shelve potty training for a while. Your toddler may not be ready yet.

It doesn't mean that you've failed, and it's the best thing to do if you want potty training to work in the long-run.

It usually takes a little longer to learn to stay dry throughout the night. Although most children learn this between the ages of three and five, it is estimated that a quarter of three-year-olds and one in six five-year-olds wet the bed.  Again, visit Baby Centre for further advice on night time continence. 

For more specialist advice please contact your GP, Health Visitor or refer to ERIC (Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence) a national charity that supports children with continence problems and campaigns for better childhood continence care.